I don't normally do reflections or resolutions because I really don't feel anything about the new year. I mean, I was watching Channel 5 and they were counting down and it's like zero. And I'm there sitting on the bed expecting some wave of excitement or sadness or something, ya know..some emotion to sweep over me in this humongous wave. But nothing came.
Regardless, I did a lot of thinking this year I realised. About everything. More than most years. Be it philosphical, school work related, life related, or just plain dumb daydreaming thoughts, I did quite a lot of thinking.
I keep talking to my friends about what I'm going to do next year. But it's already 2009! It's like, one more digit. haha. tell you something funny. Last year, 2008, for 2 months, I wrote like..okay, pretend its feb 8th. So I wrote on my assignments 8/2/07. Look at the year(for TWO MONTHS! I AM NOT KIDDING YOU. In my head, I was still in 07.) and I had to liquid it all away when I got my assignment back and discovered it lol.
Anyways, yes so, uhm. I still think I have been blogging too much. It's like all the stuff in my head I just wanna dump here, this is like some outlet. But I don't think people wanna read this (even though having an audience trying to help you understand your life is good). Especially long long posts about what I think, and what I do in my life which aren't the least bit interesting. So I was considering starting another blog which is going to hold all those more personal thoughts that most people wouldn't wanna read I think. If you're not into lots of thinking and stuff, cuz some of those stuff is really pretty mind boggling to me and I have to write it down and look at it again, and try to comprehend what I'm actually struggling to understand. You know? Should I?
So beginning my reflection, 2008, yeah alot of things have happened obviously. First of all there was PAE in TPJC. Pretty cool and all. I met some pretty cool people and they are totally awesome and totally great seriously. And then I went to MJC for JAE. Everyone hung out in their secondary school cliques and stuff and my class was really awkward at first because I think we were all seperated according to our Literature. English lit, malay lit, chinese lit. Anyway, we all gelled and tried to stick together eventually. Got to know the people in my class better. Great bunch of people. Really intelligent seriously. Then there was PW which was horrible but thank goodness we pulled through that and I got to know the people in my group better which was good. And I am so grateful they were able to tolerate my blurness and my lameness and my stephanie-ness. Apparently, some people have told me there's such a thing as a typical "stephanie response". Wonder how that came about lol. I remember at first, we did alot of studying at the study benches, so there was this vending machine right next to it and we were so stressed out from studying or something, and we got really hungry and we were a lazy bunch of people and we kinda kept buying stuff from the vending machine. And I got really fat lol!! HAHAH. Academics was pretty horrible last year. I couldn't really catch up even though I really did try. I'm so gonna try even harder next year though because it's really important. School was draining. I take bus, mrt and then bus home. When I was studying for the promos, for the first time in my life, I felt like I couldn't take it. It's not like you're bored with it. Yeah I mean I was bored with it sure, I keep looking at the same things but they couldn't seem to get in my head. It's like my brain and the stuff I was supposed to study together couldn't mesh. And I remember sitting on my chair feeling like I was gonna die or my head was gonna explode and burst. It was horrible seriously.
For my cca, I got into SLC even though I wanted badminton but joke of the day I couldn't find the trials..=.= But you know, I was so much shy-er in primary and secondary school. In MJ I actually tried to push myself to be more daring, to be more open. That's why I tried out for exco and thank goodness I got it, or I guess I wouldn't be able to push myself again. But I always think that I'm not doing enough. I'm not as capable or successful or smart as other people. I take a long long time to catch up. And sometimes I feel that I put in so much hardwork yet nothing comes out of it. People try just a little and snap they get it. And I always feel that it isn't fair to me. But what can I do right? That's life. Well for other matters, there was the Singapore F1 which was pretty awesome, and we won the bid to host the Youth Olympics in 2010! Then there was the mumbai attacks and the melamine scare thing. And Obama became the president elect. And this was the year I watched an actual Shakespearean play by some london theatre group in Singapore, Hamlet which was hella awesome. And I think 08 was the year in which I watched too many movies. lol. It was also the year I picked up guitar again. Learned a few more songs. Got a single bed after sleeping on a queen-sized bed for one million years. I also met the cutest kids ever last year. :D And did quite alot of sports. Which reminds me, I had my record best for 2.4 last year. Also, last year was the year I cried my eyes out (i was crying over and over again seriously. cry laugh then cry cry cry) over a Jack Neo movie. =.= lol
This year, I'm gonna push myself harder to do better, to be better, to be stronger, to be more resilient, to be nicer, to be kinder, to be more empathetic, to be more filial, to be more considerate, to be more patient, to be more hardworking, to be more in control, to be more courageous, to be more fun loving, to be more understanding, to be more relentless, to be more independent, to be more spiritual,to be more levelheaded, to be fitter, to be more organized, to have more fun, to have less fun, to embrace, to lead, to love, to feel, to learn, to give, to be more me and yet not so me.
Good luck for 2009 all of you.
