What do we feel when we see people talking about really depressing stuff? Is he/she an attention seeker? Is he/she trying to get sympathy? Is he/she talking about me? Why is he/she being so depressed? And one may be thinking, that person should lighten up. But we all have our dark days.
Sometimes when I’m happy/ in a good mood, and I see someone posting depressing stuff on their blogs/ on twitter etc, I get annoyed. I myself think, that person should really lighten up. It’ll all be over. Or maybe, I’d feel really bad for the person. And I try to encourage that person. At the same time, I don’t even know if I’m being genuine. I don’t even know if I’m encouraging the person because I want to be perceived as nice, or because it is the right thing to do, or because.. I don’t know. Sometimes I feel so fake. Somehow.
Is there a point to all this?
Sometimes it’s kind of tiring for me to keep saying I’m okay, when I’m not. I am still reflecting on my life. I still need to sort things out, and no one can help me do that. I feel so bad that sometimes when people are really being genuinely nice, and I doubt them. When I shouldn’t.
Sometimes I hate it that I get so judgmental. I think the worst of people, when they do not deserve it. And even if they did, who am I to think that? Who am I to judge? Who am I to criticize you, or define who you are? How can I do that? WHY do I do that?
I hate people for being judgmental. I hate that I hate them too. Who am I to hate? Who do I think I am?
Sometimes I end up being hypocritical. I hate people that lie to me or others, but I lie back. And I hate that I lie back, and I hate that I can’t say everything I want. Maybe it’s because I’m too afraid. I don’t know why. What am I scared to lose? Wouldn’t it be better if I just forgave and forget? Tell a white lie? Just to get it over and done with? A few days later I will just be laughing at this, thinking to myself how stupid it was to get so upset. Because, there isn’t really anything to be upset about.
It’s not good to be petty.
It’s not good to be continually doubting people.
Everything we do. What is the point of it? What is the meaning behind everything we do? Do we just do it just for the sake of doing it? Do we trick ourselves into being happy at the simplest things because we want to escape from our troubles? Are all these little times when we feel happy, do they mean something? Do I want them to mean something? Do they need to mean something? Do I need to figure out a point? Maybe not. But sometimes I want to, because I want to have purpose in life. And sometimes I don’t, because I’ll get really sad all over again.
Should I just go along with life as it is? Laugh my way through life, stop thinking like this? Should I focus on the more important things? Problem is, I don’t know what’s important now.
If only a quiet place was not so far away. Would really love to just sit alone. Somewhere with grass and horses. Just for a while. Just to get away.

Or maybe I just need to occupy myself with something else. So I don’t think so much.

There’s just so much to think about.