I think I have lost the ability to write well. I used to be able to, you know. Or at least it was good enough so much so that it was contemplated on, or I would be able to reflect on its contents and look at it from another perspective. But now, I can only manage a good sentence or two. Then I'm stuck.

Every letter and word means something and they all come together to form a bigger picture. Every word is a piece of puzzle that will eventually become something greater than itself. Every letter and word is significant. It saddens me that I kill these words. I do not know how to describe it. It seems that now, all I do is to take away their magic. My thoughts are unable to manifest into reality because I cannot even write them down.

I have ceased to be creative. My mind is just a blank slate most days.

These days, or rather, these past few years, I feel that whatever I type or write is kind of shallow. I cannot seem to express myself as well as I used to. In the past, I could convey whatever I wanted to in words, easily, even if I failed to do it verbally. Now it seems that both outlets are a struggle for me. I can't find the right words and my grammar and vocabulary is screwed up. It seems that I am not learning anything from books and that I am not picking up anything concrete whenever I read.

If I cannot even translate my thoughts into words on paper, then what do I have left? My thoughts are only privy to myself. I have so many secrets and I have so many things to say. The only way to let it out is to write it down somewhere, even if no one sees it but me. But now I can't even do that. It is so scary to lose this form of escape. A door has closed somewhere, but I do not know which one it is.

I cannot find it. I cannot fix it.

This post. I am not sure if it turned out right. It's so frustrating.

Have I lost the ability to write well? Or have I just stopped learning?